Thursday, April 5, 2007

5 Things about Me (maybe)

Assistant Village Idiot was kind enough to tag my blog recently. This is especially kind because I’m such a newbie to the blogosphere. As he said, who knows whether this blog will actually be thought provoking? It may be sidesplitting, irritating, monumentally yawn inducing, or a total waste of the electrons it is printed on. At any rate, I highly recommend his blog for the simple reason that Assistant Village Idiot is a sort of covert polymath. If you don’t know what that means, then go read the blog and try to figure it out.

The tag was part of a challenge to blog about something that you have never blogged on before. Well, in my case, that would be just about everything. So, I will slightly modify that task and list 5 important factoids about my life. Be aware that these may or may not be true. It’s up to you to guess.

I have a pair of pants made from actual dragon skin. They were designed and custom-made for me by a short chain-smoking Milanese tailor named Salvatore Baldassare. I don’t wear them very often, because when I asked my wife if they make my butt look big, she declined to answer. You know what THAT means.
I carry in my car, a 3.5 lb can of mixed nuts and a couple of bags of beef jerky. When I’m driving long distances, I find that these two things together make a tasty, filling and protein rich lunch. And no, I don’t actually consume the whole thing all at once.

I once walked 27 miles in one day to get a free meal at an all you can eat restaurant – just for the record, it was a Western Sizzler. On a different occasion, I spent 4 hours eating at another Western Sizzler. As you can imagine, I had all I could eat. Yet another day I ate ½ gallon of cherry ice cream for breakfast in ½ hour, and then walked 17 miles.

Depending on the type of shoe, I wear a size 12 EEEE. Even so, I have never attempted barefoot water skiing. Fortunately, I am still relatively young. The trouble is that it is so hard to find high-heeled sandals that fit properly. I’ve just about given up trying.

I once punched a Michigan State Police officer in the head and did not go to jail for it.

Truth or Fiction? You be the judge. Or, if you are truly post-modern you can just seek to discern the meaning of the meta-narrative.

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