There are times when life strips you and empties you and all you can do is stand and wait for whatever is going to happen. It is a labor to acknowledge the reality of reality, yet maintain a firm focus on the best possible outcome. Rather than seeming full of promise and possibility, the future seems to bring one humiliating blow after another. One wonders where providence leads, what God is up to, and how this will all play out. There is a strong sense that it’s out of my control, and that all I can do is continue to work, but mostly just watch God work. It is, I suppose, a measure of the weakness of my faith that my confidence that I’m going to like the outcome is pretty low. It’s more like I’m bracing for the impact. Here is where I acknowledge that “liking it” isn’t really the point.
There has been much praying for strength, wisdom and grace. There has been much praying of the Lord’s Prayer. There has been much praying of Psalm 23. There has been much wondering if it is all being heard. There has been much wondering if any of it is being heard. There has been much wondering whether if it is being heard, what’s being done about it.
This is all cryptic to those of you who don’t know my specific situation. Suffice it for now that it involves loved ones, emergency room visits, medical specialists, lots of medical testing, limited health insurance, uncertain diagnosis and prognosis, a profound shortage of cash, and lots of medical terminology that does not bode well.
Yeah. I really don’t know what to do here. I have been struggling for so long to slay the dragons, but my quest has been confounded at almost every turn. So, I stand stripped and empty and I wait.
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7 comments:
Post Tenembre Lux
Ron Jung
Ps. We are with you waiting.
Psalm 34:18 - The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
When under trial and struggling, we have the privilege of being closer to God than at any other time. His kindness in these moments is especially tender and he soothes our hearts, like a parent reassuring a hurt child.
2 Corinthians 12:10 also says it well - ...for when I am weak, then I am strong.
Relying on Him as you have and continue to do will make His glory manifest in a beautiful way.
Isaiah 27:1 from (Naiomi's Bible)
In that day the LORD with his sore and great and strong sword shall punish leviathan the piercing serpent, even leviathan that crooked serpent; and he shall slay the dragon that is in the sea.
God is with you and so are your friends! We will pray for you and your beautiful family.
Tim O.
Thank you.
At a certain level, I look around and am extremely thankful for all the blessing that have accrued to me and my family. Suffering and struggle are , to a certain extent, relative, aren't they. And given those gifts, there are still untold opportunities open before us. No matter what problems we face, we know that by virtue of where we live, the love we share, the friends we have, our education and skills, our capacity for work and discipline, the faith we have been given and so much more...well, it could be worse.
We know God is working. He is always working. We are praying for help for our unbelief, for our lack of feeling. We are at a point where it is very much up to God. We recognize that, and we wait for him to show his mighty arm.
Thank you all so much for your prayer and support. It is good to know that people we love from thousands of miles away are praying for us. Our prayers are with you as well. It is great to hear from you.
I do hope you see his mighty arm at work. If you don't, it is not because you did something wrong. I think when he shows his arm, this side of the Last Day, it is just a sign to show people what he can do. But it's like someone who will rebuild a house showing his carpentry skills on a ruined one. He wants people to get a glimpse of what the new house will be like, much more than he wants to make the old one livable.
Though I'm still hoping he'll do a demonstration on you.
If an earthquake survivor simply braces for the next blow after having endured countless other earthquakes, is he really living? Perhaps he's becoming a "victim" rather than a fighter.
Which of these two are any of us? Perhaps the lines aren't so clearly defined as to categorize any into distinctive groups, but rather show that there exists in each a combined struggle, not against definition, so much as understanding of where we are vs. where we think we are vs. where we want to be/think we should be.
Oops, Post Tenembras Lux
RJ
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